Still in the thick of my DF's illness...My eyes are constantly burning from the intermittent relief of crying....I work in the hospital that he is in, though, and must maintain composure. Everyone is being so kind and helping as able, but seeing him go through this is the hardest thing I've ever done. It doesn't seem real sometimes and I keep hoping someone will jostle me awake from this horrible dream.
My DM is seeing her partner in life go through this, and I can't imagine the heaviness of her heart right now. We share our feelings with each other, hug, cry some more...
DF has a fever today. I'm hoping it's God's way of ending this misery for him. Perhaps he'll be released soon. Oh please pray with me to make it so!
One memory I'll carry with me happened just a while ago. I went up to see DF and DM. Dad laid in a geriatric reclining chair, and I stood next to him stroking his face. An elderly man sat in a wheelchair nearby, and I thought perhaps we were blocking his way. As I offered to move my Dad, the man said, "No, I can get through. I was just admiring your loving hand..." Then, the man asked me, "Where is he going?". I replied, "To Heaven...". The man smiled and wheeled away. Then I realized it was an odd question for him to ask me, but the thought that angels walk among us came to mind....
Oddly enough, my food and exercise are perfect right now. I have my food organized and am taking advantage of any nice weather to breathe in the fresh air of spring to clear my head. I am so grateful for this healthy life. It helps give me the energy to get through all of this. I'm sure the endorphin release of exercise is helping too...keeping me stable and strong in body and mind.
Just wanted to update any interested parties...
Have I said it before? Alzheimer's sucks.
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4 comments:
Margi,
I do hope things get better.
The great thing is how true you have been able to stay to your goals. If you can stay true during this - you can be true during anything!
Thanks Cyn. I really do see that the healthy lifestyle is helping me keep my head above water during this time...I took a Powerwalk last night and envisioned the endorphins flowing through my veins...really helps so much!
I know you and others are going through challenging times too. I am so glad that we're learning to go through them, without burying our feelings in food or other substances. I wonder if it prevents us from having to try learning the lesson in the future if we "get it" now? hmmm....
Hugs
Hello Margaret,
Your blogs are written so well. You could publish your own books. You explain things so well, and get just the best moments that feel so real. I do so hope that your parents will both get better and things will be closer back to always. Just think tho of how lucky he is to have you and DM and that good hospital, and all the love and care from everyone. That just means sooooo much. You can get thru this. Things will be better am sure. Am so thankful that DF has you. That´s his biggest treasure!
Lynda
Margaret, you sure are going through a tough time. You are such a loving person and daughter. I hope all of this will pass soon and your stress level will return to normal.
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