Oh boy, I let life get in the way of my efforts last night...Just before supper, my DH was asking about upcoming plans. As I scanned the calendar, I can now recall feeling my tummy tightening up...even as I write this, I can feel it!!! The next 2 weeks are SO FULL of family commitments that may make my regular exercise and healthy food prep needs challenging to fulfill. In fact, in my head, it was already out-of-control!
As I recall, my first red flag was grabbing a hunk of the warm, buttered Italian bread that I had made for DH and that I wasn't going to eat...I WASN'T GOING TO EAT IT....As I ate it with our soup, I grabbed another hunk and of course, I was off the cliff...Arghhhhhhhhhh, I didn't stop at the edge. The perception of being out-of-control on the calendar translated to the rest of my life being out-of-control that led to anxiety that ended up in a feeding frenzy...DH left to visit his mother after supper and I started in on the food. I won't go into any more specifics of what was consumed, but I did eat for nearly 2 1/2 hours. I am embarassed as I write this. Not my finest moment...Thank goodness I stopped but really had a crummy night's sleep because of it and am suffering with it's remnants in my intestines this morning too...
So, what can I do differently? I need to be in tune with that tummy feeling. Does anyone know what I mean? The feeling of it contracting with anxiety, and balling into a knot? At that moment, I need to remove myself from any temptation. GET AWAY FROM FOOD...MOVE IT, MARGARET!!! In this specific case, I should have prayed for assistance in fulfilling obligations and the ability to more efficiently plan or cancel plans. God has helped things fall into place before and He will continue to do so....Stop....breathe....trust....
I am grateful that it was a limited binge. I know I'm not perfect, but I am willing to learn and really ask that God help me learn the lessons so I don't have to keep repeating the same mistakes!
Hugs all,
Margaret
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3 comments:
You might find the "Mindless Eating" book helpful, Margaret. Even though you are trying to be very aware of what you are eating and not eating, according to the studies in the book there are so many more times a day that you are being bombarded by food thoughts and temptations that you aren't even aware of. I am reading a section now where he talks about your food "scripts", which are basically habitual ways of dealing with food. It sounds like you may have run into one of those yesterday, a script for dealing with anxiety with food.
You are going to get past all of this, too. I know it!
Hi Margaret, I agree with Joanne. It's a habit you've probably taken on many years ago on how to deal with anxiety/stress (me too, btw). Try to surround yourself with material on how to change your habits. Mindless Eating is great and so is Tom V's report on Emotional Eating. Once you're aware, you have the ability to change.
Debbie
Thanks ladies...I'm gonna get the book...Is it at Amazon? I'll check it out....
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